I didn't expect to be posting this so quickly, but at 36% I had to call it quits. This novel was so appallingly written I just couldn't finish it. I'm not even sure where to start but I shall give it a go.
The technical aspects of writing have been ignored by the author of this book. I can forgive over use of adverbs and even pardon the contradiction of adjectives but the double negative sentence, 'It could not take no more' was a bit of a slap in the face. The children in my primary class (age 7-9) know not to use language like this, how a grown man doesn't I cannot fathom. Chivers also tends to overwrite things, using four words where one would suffice. This makes some scenes rather dull.
I tried to look passed all the technicalities though and focused on the characters instead. I found them flat, one dimensional and predictable. The priestess did a wonderful job of explaining how magic worked in their world using good scientific terms. This was immediately contradicted by labelling it 'magic' and shrugging off the previous explanation. The Tribal character is a moody, rude adolescent boy who has forgotten half his past. Problem with him is he's so rude, I didn't care what happened to him. These two pair up with a gang of Packers, consisting of about seventeen people, only four of which are important enough to have names. Might as well just stick them in red shirts and shoot them now.
The pacing of the novel seems to be one fight scene after another with a bit of travelling between locations. It became predictable after the second fight. The writing of these scenes was OK but weakened by the author putting the shouting in a bold type face. I can see they're yelling, no need to patronise me in this manner.
There are loads of other things wrong with this novel; irrelevant quotes at the start of chapters; wooden dialogue; contradictory attitudes. So many in fact that I could be here all day and I'll get comments like TLDR. It's frustrating because with a bit of refining and three more rounds of editing, it would make a decent story. Needless to say, I won't be reading the sequel!
Hello Debbie.
ReplyDeleteI'm saddened that my story was not one that you liked reading, which to me is a great shame, but I can understand why you could not finish it.
I'm heavily dyslexic and have suffered from aphasia since childhood (although I soon have an appointment with the doctor to see if its actually autism, as I was diagnosed with the former in the late 1980's), so reading and writing is very difficult for me, and indeed, has always been that way since I could read and write at 11.
In your review, you mentioned Adverbs, Contractions and Adjectives - I don't entirely understand what you mean, but I shall accept the fault.
I can see you blogged this on the 15th of April. Since then I have re-released an improved version of the 1st book on Kindle (fixes missing words, grammar, better edited in general, etc).
If your interested in giving my books, and the series itself another go, just drop me an email and I will be happy to send them to you for free.
Thank you for the review.
Kind regards,
Matthew.
Hi Matthew,
DeleteI'd be more than happy to give it another go if you've had a go at fixing some of the errors. It's a learning curve for all of us and I'm always up to help.
My email address is debbie.rushby@hotmail.co.uk (I don't care who sees it) if you'd like to send me the new version. I'll re-review it for you as well.
Kind Regards
Debbie